When I found out I got the Bonderman back in March, all I wanted to do was sit down with all the Lonely Planet books and travel blogs and plan out all the amazing things I would do and see on my trip. However, I was still in school, still working full time, still trying to do comedy, still playing in the cover band. So before I let myself spend too much time with the fun, get-pumped parts of trip planning, I had to wrap up/let go of all the other parts of my life little by little... 6/6/16: Graduated from UW
7/26/16: Last comedy show
7/29/16: Last day at work
7/31/16: Move out of glorious one-bedroom Seattle apartment to (also glorious) parents' basement in Olympia
8/2 to 8/5: Trip to NYC (cuz why not?)
8/6 to 8/7: Farewell party & brunch with Seattle friends
8/12 to 8/14: Weekend at Lake Chelan for last show with Squirrel of Shame (the cover band I sing in)
The point (besides letting you all know how super busy and cool I am) is that I left myself about 24 hours to focus on the trip with no other obligations to think about, and that's when the hugeness of it all started to sink in.
I haven't done much international traveling (just Mexico and Nicaragua), and although I've gone to L.A., Vegas, Chicago, Boston, and NYC by myself, I have never traveled internationally by myself.
I don't want to get dramatic about it or paint this opportunity like it's something I HAVE to do, rather than something I am crazy lucky to GET to do... but this is a big deal for me, and I'm realizing how hard this is actually going to be.
This is not a vacation. I am not staying at resorts and sipping mai tais at the beach (at least not the whole time). I am going to be alone, and a big part of this experience is SUPPOSED TO BE that it is challenging and hard and weird and foreign. That way, I can return from it a stronger, more resilient, compassionate, globally aware, wise and independent person. The thing is, becoming a better person is not easy and fun most of the time. To get stronger, you have to tear muscles (spiritual or physical) so they can rebuild. To get wiser, you have to admit how much you don't know and let go of familiar ways of thinking about who you are and what's important. To become globally aware, you have to give a crap about stuff that doesn't necessarily directly affect you, because now you care about the people that it does affect (or maybe you've excelled so much in the wisdom department that you realize we are all One and what affects one human affects all humans and so whatever happens to anyone, anywhere has consequences for everyone, everywhere to some extent, so we should care, even on a self-serving level, about those things).
What I'm trying to say is that although this is an incredible opportunity, and I still can't believe how lucky I am to get to have these experiences, I do expect to be uncomfortable much of the time -- and that's okay. That means I'm evolving, and that's what this Bonderman thing is all about.
Ok, the title of this post is "Preparation" so I should remember to talk about my preparation process....
LOGISTICAL PREPARATION
Packing
I am fitting everything for the trip in a Tortuga Air backpack (as a petite and strength-challenged lady, I prefer all products with an "air" option). I look forward to only having one bag to worry about, and not needing to check any luggage ever. But damn, it is heavy and uncomfortable to carry. If you're interested in knowing what exactly I'm bringing, check out the Bonderman recommended packing list (I adhered pretty closely to this).
Vaccines / pills
I took 4 typhoid pills in lieu of a shot, I got 3 vaccine injections (yellow fever, a polio booster, and.... something else), and i'm packing 180 malaria pills, diarrhea pills (separate ones for South America and Southeast Asia), and altitude sickness pills, as well as Benadryl and Ibuprofen.
Visa, more passport photos for VOAs
For visas, you need passport photos, so I got 8 of those (there are at least a couple countries that won't require visas). I currently don't have any of the visas that I need so that was poor planning on my part. BUT, I'm pretty confident I will be able to find the appropriate embassies (Bolivia and Brazil) in Bogota, and then I'll be set for the first half of the trip at least.
GYST.com (Get Your Shit Together)
This website was recommended as a resource for writing a living will, and unsurprisingly, that was kind of a heavy and emotional task. It also made me pretty aware that I do not have many assets to bequeath to anybody (sorry! Looks like my death is going to just be a bummer with no fun inheritance silver lining).
Passport
I had to renew my passport, AND my driver's license
ISIC student card
I left this to the last minute to order so my mom will need to send it to me, but this is an international student card (and apparently it can save a person LOADS of money on things, and only cost about $28)
EMOTIONAL PREPARATION
Saying goodbye to my family and to my life in Seattle was rough. I've been in Seattle for 12 years. It's where I went to college AND graduate school, lived at 9 different addresses, made many of my most beloved friendships, got to sing in an 80s rock band, learned all about mindfulness and conduct PTSD research with veterans at a stable job for 8 years, was welcomed into the standup comedy community, and where I spent the entirety of my very exploratory and adventurous 20s. I love Seattle. I love it so much that I put it in everything:
email: m.martinez.seattle@gmail.com
Instagram: HashtagSeattle
Twitter: @SeattleMartinez
See how I proved a point AND shamelessly promoted my social media accounts at the same time? That was good work.
My point is, I have spent 12 years building communities and establishing a sense of belonging and home in Seattle. At this moment in time, I assume I will move back there when this trip is over, but I don't really know, because I don't know how this trip may change what I want to do and where I want to live. So I have tried to say goodbye to that Seattle life I've come to adore so much: mindfulness research with veterans, hanging out at open mics and comedy shows, rockin out at band practice, hanging out in the hot tub with Piper, watching Game of Thrones/Netflix with Stephen and his puppy, having study dates at Fix with Jeff and Meredith, catching up with girlfriends over happy hour drinks, etc. I have tried to say "goodbye for now" to make things a bit easier to process, but I know deep down there's a possibilty this might be it. I might not ever live in Seattle again, and that makes me so sad, because I don't know yet WHY i would ever do that. If that's what's going to happen, the reason for it hasn't shown up yet, of course. So I'm just left feeling a deep sense of loss for this life that I created and loved so much, without a clear sense of what I've given it up for.
And that's okay -- I don't need to know. And maybe it will all be there waiting for me when I get back, and I can pick up more or less where I left off. It's just that this kind of international travel experience is bound to change a person, and I guess I find it unlikely that I'll want to return to the same basic life that I had before, incredible as it was. So..... a part of me is actually a little resistant to evolving and changing, like what if I achieve some deep state of inner peace that completely ruins my motivation for doing standup comedy?? Scary stuff.
Fortunately, I have a phenomenal support network of friends and family who I can vent to and lean on when I'm feeling overwhelmed with such concerns. My older sister, Janelle, wrote me a lovely email last night, hours before I left for the airport to begin my Bonderman adventure. There's one passage in particular that I am finding especially reassuring right now:
"As you embark, just think of how many travelers have journeyed before you, and journey at this same time even now -- families searching for better lives, young people for work, old people for medical care, students traveling for education...how many people leaving their families or being reunited with them on this day? How many travelers among us?
Yet you don't carry the burdens many of them do -- the pressure to work or to study, the pressure to get something done. You can look on with a clear objective outside vision that only a single 30 year old with all her belongings in a backpack can. You are so free to watch people, know people, love people -- no strings attached, no expectations of anything coming back to you -- just the chance to blow a kiss into the air and trust the wind of karma to sweep it up and bring it back to you in time."
Amazing how comforting a bit of perspective can be. Big picture: I am not a refugee traveling to get away from a war-torn home country. I am not traveling to find work to support a family. I am not traveling to have access to education or some other essential opportunity. I am simply a world explorer, traveling for the sake of seeing places and meeting people I really have no practical business seeing or meeting, because.... I don't know why. I don't know why I get to do this. And sometimes I'm not really sure why I WANT to do this, but when someone offers you the chance to travel the world, you take it. You just do.